I couldn’t resist this headline. It only appeared today but actually relates to last Thursday when five drunken French teenagers decided to take a llama for a ride on a tram. In the interests of entente cordiale, I thought I’d make use of five years of schoolboy French and mix odd phrases into the tale. On the French facebook site there are cries for the llama to stand for president!
Five Men and a Llama
Je voudrais vous présenter
a Mathieu, Jean-Paul et Zac,
Pierre et Jacques.
Five young men in Bordeaux,
wandering at night,
wondering where they could possibly go.
Ils sont allés à un club
and drank until they were well lubed up.
“Mon dieu,” said Mathieu, groaning enfin.
“Je ne veux pas penser à demain.
Que je suis ivre.
But I now feel so alive. I want to vivre,
so let’s hit the streets and see what will suivre.”
Outside in the cold,
Pierre got quite bold
and said “à cheval, I fancy a ride.”
(Impossible of course,
since there was no horse).
“Merde,” said Jean-Paul,
who now we recall,
was struck by une idée célèbre.
“If we can’t find a horse, cherchons un zèbre”.
A cunning idea, really quite clever.
So that’s what they set out to do.
Ils sont allés au zoo.
Or rather it wasn’t a zoo.
Bien sur, c’était un cirque.
Alors, qu’est-ce qu’on va faire?
“Pas de problème,” said Zac and Jacques.
“Do not despair, on sait there’s a zebra there.”
“D’accord,” dit Pierre.
“No need for a fuss,
we know the circus.
It’s dark and there’ll just be the five of us.”
They arrived at the gate, which was fermée, shut
but that didn’t stop lean, tall Jean-Paul
who scaled up the wall.
“Attendez-y. C’est si facil,
just wait for me to unlock the gate.”
Two minutes later ils sont entrés
but to their dismay
the grouchy zebra just wouldn’t play ball.
With Mathieu at the front and Zac at the back
there was, absolument, no movement at all.
Then from afar came a plaintive call –
je veux me promener ce soir”
The voice had emerged from the llama, Serge,
rescued from some shabby auberge,
found incarcerated in a shed –
“no chance to promenade there,” he said.
Serge was delighted with his new amis,
he felt he was wanted, he felt en famille.
His adventure had started and ils sont partis
and strolled through the streets of Bordeaux.
Then Mathieu said, with insouciance,
“Vraiment, ce soir nous avons la chance.
C’est vachement fou.
Moi, I know what we should do –
let’s take Serge for a ride.”
So they jumped on a tram
and tried to hide Serge
but he was determined to have his own way.
“Excusez, enchanté,” he was rumoured to say
as he sashayed his way to the front
where he met the inspector
who parlayed in terms ever so blunt.
“Bonne nuit, mon chou,
what should I do,
what would be juste
for a llama that’s lurking on my autobus?”
The five young men turned tail and fled,
leaving Serge to the inspector instead.
No looking back for Mathieu and Zac,
Jean-Paul, Pierre and Jacques.
He stopped the tram, called les flics,
leashed Serge to a post
and in words that verged on lachrymose
he explained to les flics what had occurred.
The five were caught
but no charge was brought;
for Serge when he heard
of his nouveaus amis,
pleaded for judicial leniency.
They’d been arrested,
but his night on the town
could not have been bested.
Now Serge’s famous late-night ride
has gone viral, it’s spiralled world-wide.
He’s set a llama’s precedent.
Bonne chance Serge
you’re on the verge
of being France’s next president.
4th November 2013 – headline from the Independent
Notes: “Drunken French teenagers abduct a circus llama and take him on a tram ride”. A group of five French teenagers have been arrested after drunkenly stealing a circus llama named Serge and taking on him on a tour of Bordeaux via the city’s tram system. The animal was abducted by the youths after they wandered into a closed-down circus. The quintet had recently exited a club in Bordeaux, a city renowned as the country’s wine capital. “We went in and played with the animals,” one of the five, named Mathieu, told BFM TV. “We ended up taking a llama with us.” The group had originally set their hearts on taking a zebra home, but after the beast proved too stubborn they happily settled for the more amenable Serge. “It walked with us like a good dog would have,” said Mathieu. The group took the animal onto Bordeaux’s tram system but were rumbled after passengers reported the llama’s presence to a ticket inspector. “He moved along the tram and we couldn’t hold onto him,” said Mathieu. “The inspector made him get off and tied him to a lamppost.” Reports are confused as to what happened next but it seems the teenagers proceeded to bid their new friend adieu, leaving him in the care of the inspector. Although the group was soon picked up by police and taken to a local station they will not be charged for the caper