After the horrendous headlines of the last couple of days, here’s something more light-hearted again. It’s an interesting story though bearing in mind the banking scandals that have beset the Catholic church, with links mooted to the mafia, the suspicious death of Roberto Calvi and the more recent departure of senior figures in the bank amidst allegations of money-laundering. Given the belief that money is the root of all evil, linking church to finance could be a hostage to fortune. We’ll see. Anyway, here’s a satirical take on what might happen …….!!
I went to church last week,
not to hear the vicar preach
but to speak to the bishop about a loan
for a brand-new 4g mobile phone.
I went to church last night,
not because I’ve seen the light
but just so I might draw some cash
to buy an i-pad, the price was slashed.
I went to church today,
not to pray
but just to pay the interest due
on my blu-ray player and TV too.
I’ll go to church tomorrow.
Sodom and Gomorrah!!
The horror of being in so much debt
from material urges I now regret.
I’ll go to church on Sunday,
this time to pray
that I can pay back all I owe.
Hell’s not the place I want to go.
I’ll go to church next week,
this time to hear the vicar preach.
He’ll teach that money is evil’s root.
Praise the Lord!! Give Satan the boot!
I go to church most every day,
to kneel, commune, chant and pray.
They say “convert and we’ll cancel your debt.”
Hallelujah!! The best offer yet!
I go to church three times a day
until, in vespers yesterday,
the bishop solemnly rose to say:
“Brothers and sisters, let us pray.
I’ve seen the error of our ways.
We’ve so many converts, our income’s gone,
we’re deep in debt and I’m on the run.
It’s prison for me, high finance done.
Life’s too short, God speed, have fun.”
Now I go to church no more.
I’ve seen the truth, I know the score.
Life is too short to kneel and pray
for this may be my very last day.
28th September 2013 – headline from the Independent
Notes: “Church takes 10% stake in RBS division to create an ‘ethical’ bank.” A Church of England-backed consortium last night pledged the launch of a new “ethical” bank as they sealed a deal to buy up to half of Williams & Glyn’s from Royal Bank of Scotland. The £600m which the private equity-led consortium – put together by Corsair Capital and Centrebridge – is paying to buy in is also being partly financed by RBS to the tune of £270m. As part of the deal the Church Commissioners will be the largest individual investor in the consortium with 10 per cent, alongside funds run by the private equity firms and other external investors. The Church, which faced criticism after it emerged that it had invested in a private equity fund that backed Wonga.com, will also have the right to nominate a director to the board, who will be charged with ensuring that the new bank conducts itself in the ethical manner it has pledged. The Archbishop of Canterbury has pledged to set up a credit union to out-compete the controversial Wonga lender.
- Church takes stake in bank branches sold by RBS (itv.com)
- RBS blessed by £600m as church backs sell-off (dailymail.co.uk)