How we British love a bit of naughty slap and tickle

Trumpington, Cambridgeshire

Trumpington, Cambridgeshire (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Miss Moppitt is fictitious but the underlying story is true with a little poetic licence.  The headline caught my eye in a local paper first but then made the national press.  You can imagine the faces of some of the local dignitaries can’t you when they first discovered the truth behind a course on relationship management!  Enjoy!


The Curious Tale of Miss Moppitt and Relationship Management

How dare they, how dare they, the Mayor declared.
They cheated, deceived us, our blushes weren’t spared.
‘Relationship Management’ was the name of the course
but what they delivered could not have been worse.

How could they, why would they, the Council all cried.
In describing the content we think that they lied.
They said ‘Relaxation Techniques’ were the key.
We expected meditation, yoga, tai-chi.

How shocking, they’re mocking us, the vicar said with a frown.
Now the news has got out we’ll be laughed out of town.
They promised they’d show us new ways to beat stress
but instead they’ve created an unholy mess.

O Trumpington, Trumpington this is what you get
when letting the church hall to any old set.
This wasn’t jam-making in the W I,
it was something more saucy to open your eyes.

Hot news, hot news, the headlines all read.
Ancient Miss Moppitt has just dropped down dead.
She sneaked in the hall and we know what she saw
made her eyes pop, her heart stop and now she’s no more.

There was spanking and thanking and cries of “More! More!”
Ancient Miss Moppitt, she knew the score.
The whips and the handcuffs, the leather, the thongs
in quiet, prim Trumpington just didn’t belong.

O Trumpington, Trumpington, what scandal, what shame!
S & M practice was just part of the game,
a range of techniques to relieve you through sex
in a course on “relations” and “how to beat stress”.

25th September 2013 – headline from the Telegraph

Notes:  How we British love a bit of naughty slap and tickle.”  The village of Trumpington has long been a top destination for Cambridge’s townsfolk but now it appears some residents have been trotting along to the village hall to satisfy other appetites.  The innocuously named “relationship support group”, which jostled alongside meetings for the WI, the Brownies and bridge, apparently owed more to S&M than TLC.  The meetings, organised by Peer Rope Cambridge, offered classes in spanking, bondage, flogging and even electrical play with “wand devices”. Participants were advised to dress conservatively from car park to hall although, once inside, topless nudity was permitted but women’s nipples had to be covered.

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